HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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