ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
