well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
