There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
