ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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