good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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