I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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