Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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