I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
