if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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