the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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