Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
