I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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