Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
