i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
