one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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