Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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