I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i came on her dog
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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