Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
God I need to hump something, right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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