I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
