alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She bit a glass in half.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
