you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
