She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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