I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
