oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
