Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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