It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
