Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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