i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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