ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
