I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
