Please, let me fuck your mom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
