also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
