everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
