She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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