some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
