If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
