Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
