My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Come share oat with me in your robe
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
