im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
