Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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