if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
