the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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