She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
