Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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