I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
