You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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