my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
