I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
