im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
