My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My bed smells like the plague
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
