Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
