Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
