I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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