I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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