theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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