I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
