I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
