What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
