I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
