I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
