all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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