u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
