Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
