oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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