Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
