Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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