he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
