Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
