I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fuck appropriateness.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
