I am puke
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
