I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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