Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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