eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
