Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
