I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
